Accepting Forgiveness

If the world were perfect, nothing would go wrong. None of my chickens would fly into the chain holding up the feeder and injure themselves. Everyone would understand the exact meaning I intended for everything I wrote or spoke. The perfectionist side of me would always be content. There would be nothing to forgive and no reason to ask for forgiveness in the perfect world.

Unfortunately, none of us lives in a perfect world. Our animals do get sick and injure themselves. Misunderstandings will happen, and we will find that we need to make apologies once in a while.

Personal experience has taught me that forgiving myself is extremely difficult. I am a bit of a perfectionist. The fact that I made an error is embarrassing and guilt-inducing. Perhaps worst of all is the fact that my mind keeps a record of every time I have messed up. It is easy to pile up evidence against myself. The fact that I acted in error causes me to break my trust in myself. With the trust broken, my ability to believe in myself and to forgive myself reduces significantly.

When I was a small child, I went to an adult and apologized for something I had done. I will never forget the adult’s response. They said something like, “I forgive you, but do you mean it? You have asked me to forgive you for this before, but you have now done it again.” I learned that I could not trust myself. I had to be perfect. Perhaps there was no more forgiveness should I fail again.

My failure to forgive me then taints my perception of the people around me. I begin to believe that because I would not or could not forgive me, they would not forgive me either.

A story from the Bible comes to mind. Peter, one of the disciples of Jesus Christ, had proudly declared that he would never deny knowing Jesus. (Mark 14:29-31) A short time later, Peter did precisely what he had stated he would not do. Peter was devastated by his actions. (Mark 14:66-72)

After the resurrection of Jesus, Peter and Jesus met on the shore of a lake. (John 21) During this meeting, Jesus had a question for Peter. I can only imagine what Peter thought when Jesus asked if Peter loved Him. I know if it had been me, I would have been thinking, “I broke my word and denied Him. I am unsure that I can trust myself to answer this question. What if I misjudge my heart again? What if I disappoint Jesus again?” My mind would have been piling up the evidence that I could not and should not trust myself and should never forgive myself.

The problem with failing to accept forgiveness, whether we are trying to forgive ourselves or it is forgiveness offered from someone else, is that it keeps us living under a cloud of guilt.

When they were small, my children would sometimes come into the room I was in with a particular look on their faces. I referred to it as “the guilty look.” That look meant they had been doing something they knew they should not have been doing. A trip into the next room would reveal something broken or spilled, or perhaps candy wrappers on the floor before dinner. During these times of guilt, the children wanted to hide. They did not want to sit with me or tell me about their day and what was going on. They felt guilt, and because of that, forgiveness seemed uncertain to them. This guilt was a heavy burden and showed on their faces.

I would love to tell you that my wife and I were always calm and thoughtful in these situations with the children. We were not. Sometimes those little rascals scared us half-to-death. Whatever had happened, we extended forgiveness to them. Being forgiven did not mean that they escaped consequences, but they knew we loved them.

I imagine that Peter felt guilty as he conversed with Jesus on the lakeshore. The guilt must undoubtedly have influenced his ability to believe his own words as he assured Jesus that he, Peter, loved Jesus.

God offers abundant forgiveness. This forgiveness is available and extended even before we ask for it. I am amazed when I read Mark 16:7. This message was sent to the disciples via an angel at the tomb of Jesus after the resurrection. The directive gave instructions for the disciples to meet Jesus. The intriguing part was that the person receiving the message received explicit instructions to make sure the invitation also got to Peter. While Peter may have been holding his failing against himself, Jesus was already inviting him back into fellowship. This invitation was forgiveness in action.

When Jesus later met with Peter and some of the other disciples on the lakeshore, the question Jesus asked appears designed to get Peter to examine his heart and motivations. I believe that it was also a way of Jesus, saying, “Peter, please accept forgiveness from me and forgive yourself for what you did.”

Trying to move forward while rejecting forgiveness from God, or others, or even ourselves is a waste of effort. Sometimes when I hike in the mountains near where I live, I find myself on some very steep slopes. Imagine what would happen if, in the middle of the incline, I would suddenly refuse to use any available handholds. Continuing the climb up the mountain would be impossible. I might even fall down the portion I had already scaled. Refusing forgiveness puts us in an equally dangerous position in life.

God still offers this forgiveness to all who will accept it. Once we have received His mercy, we can then forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves allows us to live in a healthier mental and spiritual state.

Forgiveness from God always carries with it the invitation to live in His shadow. It is the acceptance of this forgiveness from God, which allows us to live in His shadow. When my children were not feeling guilty for some misdeed, they felt free to come and climb up into my lap and tell me about their day. Similarly, when we accept forgiveness from God, we are comfortable living close enough to Him to dwell in His shadow. (Psalm 91:1)