Tim | Living in God's Shadow

Conversations With God

May 6, 2020 by Tim

Do you ever have conversations with God? Have you ever vented your feelings to God as you would to your best friend? My conversations with God have covered almost every imaginable topic. Yes, I have talked with God about politics, the weather, and religion.

We often try to make our prayers, eloquent lists of requests, while we hold little hope of hearing any response. Perhaps it is that we do not expect a response. Therefore we are surprised when God answers prayer. We often act like God will not be able to handle our raw emotions.

Some of the most intense conversations I have had with God have been in challenging times. Times when I would ask, “God, do You know what You are doing? God, do You have any idea what is going on? Have You forgotten me?”

I became the pastor of a small church upon graduation from college. Several years passed, and my wife let me know that we were expecting a baby. Things went as planned for the first 36 weeks of the pregnancy. Then the unexpected happened. We visited the doctor for a routine checkup, and the doctor discovered that the baby had a heart rate so fast it could not be counted by just listening to it. The news got worse when the fetal heart rate monitor was used to try to count the heartbeat. The baby had a heart problem. This condition caused part of the heart to beat at a regular rate while the other part of the heart attempted to beat at twice that speed. We were transferred to a hospital about an hour away from our home to try to treat the problem. The doctor decided that the best thing would be to deliver the baby by caesarian section. I was there and watched the operation. I will never forget seeing the baby for the first time. She was a rosy pink, had dark hair, and a set of lungs that let us know that she did not like being removed from the warmth of the womb. The nurses immediately whisked the baby away to the neonatal intensive care unit to have her heart worked on.

I was able to visit the baby several hours later. I was shocked when the nurse pointed her out to me. The pink, squalling baby I had seen in the operating room now looked lifeless, the pink skin was now a mottled purple, and the breathing was only happening because of a ventilator. Everyone there stayed far away from me like they did not want to have to help me understand what was happening. I believed the baby was probably dying.

There was not anyone I could call to walk with me through this time. I was the pastor, the leader of the church. Leadership lends itself toward isolation. As a leader, you are walking out in front of everyone else. I felt the pressure to be a perfect example. My frustration and fear boiled over at God, and I asked, “Is this really how You behave? Are you just going to tease my wife and I with this baby? You are going to let us go through all we have experienced these last few days and then take the baby away? I have tried to follow You faithfully, and this is how You reward us? God, what are You doing?”

God was not offended when I lashed out in rage about the situation I did not understand, and His plan that I could not see. He was not upset with me for being angry. God recognized where I was and what I was experiencing. He understood the context of my questions and accusations.

Prayer does not have to be pretty. There is no requirement to be eloquent. Your prayers may be full of pain and rage. Times, when you are not even able to express what you are feeling and thinking your prayers, may sound incoherent to other people listening, but God understands what you are saying. Our prayers are not just background noise for God.

I wonder what Elijah thought as he prayed for rain to end the drought in Israel. He had just seen God answer a short prayer with fire that even burned up the water around the altar. Now Elijah was praying for rain. He sent his servant to look out across the sea for rain clouds. The servant saw only clear skies. What did Elijah think as he continued to pray and sent the servant the second and third times, then a fourth, then a fifth time? I wonder if he thought, “What is going on God, You answered my short prayer for fire, but You are not answering me now? You are going to make it look like that last prayer was a fluke.” Elijah continued to pray and sent the servant the sixth time. Then on the seventh time, Elijah sent the servant, there was a report of a tiny cloud in the distance. Elijah knew that the answer to his prayers had come. (Read the complete story in 1Kings 18:16-46)

I do not claim to understand God fully, but I do know He hears our prayers. He loves to give good things to those who ask. (Matthew 7:11) God did allow our baby to recover from her problems. She did go home with us. She has grown up and served as a missionary in South America. I rarely think of her, but what I remember that almost lifeless baby in the hospital. Her life is a miracle. I remember the days when I lashed out at God, and He supported and comforted me. He understood my angry prayer, even though it was not in a composed and measured tone.

Prayer is an essential aspect of living in God’s shadow. If we do not converse with God, we will not live close enough to reside in His shadow. Join me as I examine other aspects of talking with God in my next few posts.

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Did You Hear Me?

April 29, 2020 by Tim

I doubt that any question is more common in most households than, “Did you hear me?” I recall hearing this question when I was small and thinking, “Yes, I hear you.” How could I avoid hearing whoever it was? They were no more than twelve inches away and not exactly whispering.

As parents, we frequently ask this of our children usually when we mean do you understand me. As adults, we ask each other this question for two reasons. The first reason we ask this question to be sure that the person understands us. The second reason is to make sure the other person is engaged in active listening. It is unbelievable, but I have occasionally received complaints about not listening to my wife.

When I was a child, I would, at times, get lost in a book. What I was reading would become my world, and I would see and hear nothing except what I was reading. More than once, I got into trouble for not responding when called. I was busy listening to all the sounds my imagination was hearing in the book. The activity in my imagination prevented me from hearing my parents at all.

Most of the time, when we fail to hear it is because we are distracted. We tend to become distracted by anything we consider to be more exciting or more important. Unfortunately, in times of crisis, our priority list tends to get out of order, and we focus on minor issues while trying to handle major ones. Often we disengage because we are thinking about our next response. Our focus is wrong because we have stopped listening.

I have noticed that to understand everything said to me, I have to focus on the speaker. Focusing means stopping what I am doing and listening.

I was working in my furniture repair shop one day and had my youngest daughter with me. She was talking a lot, as four-year-old girls will do, and I remained focused on a project. She was asking questions about all kinds of things, and I was trying to answer while only half-listening. I answered many of her inquiries with “Uh-huh,” or “What did you say?” Then one question stood out.

“Daddy, why does Pepper (our dog) have paws?”

How do you answer that?

I replied, “I don’t know. You will have to ask God.”

Soon from the other side of the shop, I heard her inquiring, “So God, why does Pepper have paws?”

I realized that she was listening to what I said. She was sincerely inquiring. She was not just talking to hear herself.

Often we listen to God the way I was listening to my daughter that day. We tend to believe that communication with God is telling Him what we want and God raining blessings back down on us. We fail to understand that to live in God’s Shadow requires us to have a healthy relationship with God. A strong relationship requires listening as well as speaking. There have been times that I have been praying, well really fretting, to God about some problem and have felt Him tell me to be quiet and listen.

I am comforted as I read scripture to recognize that God never listens to our prayers in a distracted manner. When we fail to get an instant answer, we think that God is not attentive to us. If we do not like the answer, we may believe that God did not hear us. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The Bible contains a story about a man named Elijah. Elijah was a prophet of God. Because the nation of Israel had stopped listening to God, they had suffered a three and a half year drought. This drought was brought to an end when Elijah defeated the idol-worshiping prophets and prayed to God. (You can read the story in 1 Kings 17-19) Rain came in abundance. The queen of the land threatened to kill Elijah. He then fled into the desert. He eventually found refuge in a cave. While Elijah was hiding in the cave, God demonstrated His power. God sent a wind, an earthquake, and a fire across the land surrounding the cave. An intense silence then filled the area, and Elijah heard God’s voice, asking why he was in the cave. God then gave Elijah instruction concerning what he was to do next and offered some encouragement.

“Did you hear me?” is a question that God could ask us. We know that Jesus taught that the most important commandment is to love God with your entire being. (Matthew 22:36-40) Failing to follow this teaching is failing to listen to God.

Sometimes we encounter problems, and it seems that God is very distant or not listening to us. At those times, it is good to stop and consider if we have been listening to God. It is impossible to live in God’s shadow if we do not listen. It is easy to read scripture on autopilot. We read the words but do not take the time to understand their meaning.

I used to bake most of the bread for my family. I had specific recipes I followed, and I learned to make some delicious bread. Each aspect of the bread recipe required strict adherence. If I said, “Well, it takes some ingredients, so anything in the pantry will do.” The bread would not have turned out. If I had all the right ingredients but failed to allow it to rise or baked it at the wrong temperature, I would fail. If I had everything else right but baked it for the incorrect amount of time, the bread baking attempt would have been a disaster. Success came from listening to and following the instructions in the recipe.

To successfully live in God’s shadow, we must be listening to scripture. We must follow the recipe laid out in the teachings of Jesus. Living in God’s shadow requires us to listen to His commands.

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Giving Forgiveness

April 22, 2020 by Tim

Forgiving another person is, perhaps, the most challenging thing we can do. We are all injured by the actions and accusations of others from time to time. When the other person admits what they have done, it is tempting to try to get revenge by withholding forgiveness. It seems that humans think that refusing to forgive someone holds up that person’s life. In reality, holding a grudge takes energy. We have only a certain amount of strength each day. We must make choices about how we will spend the power we have. When we choose not to forgive, we are choosing to expend a portion of each day’s energy to hold a grudge. We can become obsessed with whatever it is that we are refusing to forgive. When we become obsessed, we may find that we are using the majority of our strength each day to hold onto the past.

Forgiveness is an attitude of the heart. It is the decision not to pursue revenge against the person who wronged you. Failing to forgive is holding on to the past and wondering why you cannot make any forward progress in life.

Whether I am in the mountains or my driveway, I cannot wrap my arms around a tree and continue to walk away. Eventually, I must either stop moving away or release my grip on whatever it is I am holding. You cannot change the past. Forgiving those who have wronged us also helps to provide spiritual and mental health. Failure to release the past will hinder the present and prevent you from moving into the future.

When we give forgiveness, it does not mean that we enable bad behavior in others or ourselves. If I loaned someone money to pay their rent and then observed them use the money to eat in restaurants and buy toys while never paying the rent, I would not loan money to them again. I can forgive and still refuse to lend. Forgiveness does not mean that we get amnesia. Forgiveness does not mean that we help others self-destruct.

There is a significant difference between forgiving and trusting. If I hired you to mow my lawn on Thursday of every week, I would expect you to mow the lawn on Thursday each week. If I start getting a call each week saying you forgot to mow the lawn because you were too busy playing a game on your phone and asking for forgiveness, I will forgive you. I will not hold a grudge against you for forgetting, but I will not trust you to remember in the future.

Scripture presents us with many places where God extends forgiveness to humanity. The willingness to forgive is there on God’s part before we even ask to be forgiven. It seems that the natural response to being forgiven would be to extend forgiveness to someone who has wronged us.

The scripture tells about how Peter came to Jesus and asked about forgiveness. I am unsure if Peter thought he was generous by offering to forgive seven times or if he was looking for a legalistic limit on how often he would be required to forgive a person for the same offense.

Jesus gave his answer in the form of a story. A man had borrowed a large amount of money from his boss. The man was unable to repay the borrowed amount on the due date. His boss forgave the debt. The forgiven man then found another man who had borrowed just a small amount of money from him. This man who had just received forgiveness refused to overlook the small amount. The boss of the forgiven man then reinstated the debt because the man was so ungrateful that he refused to pass mercy on to others. Through this story, Jesus conveyed the idea that God has offered us forgiveness on such a grand scale that it is a sign of ungratefulness toward God when we fail to forgive. (Matthew 18:21-35) We all desire for others to extend forgiveness to us, but how well do we extend forgiveness?

Forgiveness is one of those things that tend to become more abundant when dispensed to others. The college I went to had a small pond on the campus. A tiny, sluggish stream supplied the water to this drainage area. A dam crossed the downstream outlet from the basin, making the water stagnant, stinky, and algae-filled. Thick black, stinking mud covered the edges of the pond. The problem with this pond was that it tried to hold on to everything that came into it. This retention included everything that died in this body of water and the vegetation rotting in it.

When we refuse to give forgiveness, we become like that pond. All of the hurts of the past stop healing and begin to become infected sores. Our lives and actions start to smell like rotting flesh. Preventing this from happening is accomplished by allowing forgiveness to flow from God through us and out to others. This streaming forgiveness washes the injuries of the past and permits them to heal. I have observed that it is the giving of forgiveness that begins the healing of the person forgiving.

As Christians, we attempt to live Christ-like lives. It is this patterning our lives after Christ that enables us to live in God’s shadow. Jesus Christ offered forgiveness before it was requested. While on the cross, Christ asked God to forgive those crucifying Him. Stephen, a leader in the early church, echos this call to forgive wrongdoers while they were still committing evil acts. (Acts 7:60) These examples suggest that living in God’s shadow requires us to give forgiveness.

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Accepting Forgiveness

April 21, 2020April 15, 2020 by Tim

If the world were perfect, nothing would go wrong. None of my chickens would fly into the chain holding up the feeder and injure themselves. Everyone would understand the exact meaning I intended for everything I wrote or spoke. The perfectionist side of me would always be content. There would be nothing to forgive and no reason to ask for forgiveness in the perfect world.

Unfortunately, none of us lives in a perfect world. Our animals do get sick and injure themselves. Misunderstandings will happen, and we will find that we need to make apologies once in a while.

Personal experience has taught me that forgiving myself is extremely difficult. I am a bit of a perfectionist. The fact that I made an error is embarrassing and guilt-inducing. Perhaps worst of all is the fact that my mind keeps a record of every time I have messed up. It is easy to pile up evidence against myself. The fact that I acted in error causes me to break my trust in myself. With the trust broken, my ability to believe in myself and to forgive myself reduces significantly.

When I was a small child, I went to an adult and apologized for something I had done. I will never forget the adult’s response. They said something like, “I forgive you, but do you mean it? You have asked me to forgive you for this before, but you have now done it again.” I learned that I could not trust myself. I had to be perfect. Perhaps there was no more forgiveness should I fail again.

My failure to forgive me then taints my perception of the people around me. I begin to believe that because I would not or could not forgive me, they would not forgive me either.

A story from the Bible comes to mind. Peter, one of the disciples of Jesus Christ, had proudly declared that he would never deny knowing Jesus. (Mark 14:29-31) A short time later, Peter did precisely what he had stated he would not do. Peter was devastated by his actions. (Mark 14:66-72)

After the resurrection of Jesus, Peter and Jesus met on the shore of a lake. (John 21) During this meeting, Jesus had a question for Peter. I can only imagine what Peter thought when Jesus asked if Peter loved Him. I know if it had been me, I would have been thinking, “I broke my word and denied Him. I am unsure that I can trust myself to answer this question. What if I misjudge my heart again? What if I disappoint Jesus again?” My mind would have been piling up the evidence that I could not and should not trust myself and should never forgive myself.

The problem with failing to accept forgiveness, whether we are trying to forgive ourselves or it is forgiveness offered from someone else, is that it keeps us living under a cloud of guilt.

When they were small, my children would sometimes come into the room I was in with a particular look on their faces. I referred to it as “the guilty look.” That look meant they had been doing something they knew they should not have been doing. A trip into the next room would reveal something broken or spilled, or perhaps candy wrappers on the floor before dinner. During these times of guilt, the children wanted to hide. They did not want to sit with me or tell me about their day and what was going on. They felt guilt, and because of that, forgiveness seemed uncertain to them. This guilt was a heavy burden and showed on their faces.

I would love to tell you that my wife and I were always calm and thoughtful in these situations with the children. We were not. Sometimes those little rascals scared us half-to-death. Whatever had happened, we extended forgiveness to them. Being forgiven did not mean that they escaped consequences, but they knew we loved them.

I imagine that Peter felt guilty as he conversed with Jesus on the lakeshore. The guilt must undoubtedly have influenced his ability to believe his own words as he assured Jesus that he, Peter, loved Jesus.

God offers abundant forgiveness. This forgiveness is available and extended even before we ask for it. I am amazed when I read Mark 16:7. This message was sent to the disciples via an angel at the tomb of Jesus after the resurrection. The directive gave instructions for the disciples to meet Jesus. The intriguing part was that the person receiving the message received explicit instructions to make sure the invitation also got to Peter. While Peter may have been holding his failing against himself, Jesus was already inviting him back into fellowship. This invitation was forgiveness in action.

When Jesus later met with Peter and some of the other disciples on the lakeshore, the question Jesus asked appears designed to get Peter to examine his heart and motivations. I believe that it was also a way of Jesus, saying, “Peter, please accept forgiveness from me and forgive yourself for what you did.”

Trying to move forward while rejecting forgiveness from God, or others, or even ourselves is a waste of effort. Sometimes when I hike in the mountains near where I live, I find myself on some very steep slopes. Imagine what would happen if, in the middle of the incline, I would suddenly refuse to use any available handholds. Continuing the climb up the mountain would be impossible. I might even fall down the portion I had already scaled. Refusing forgiveness puts us in an equally dangerous position in life.

God still offers this forgiveness to all who will accept it. Once we have received His mercy, we can then forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves allows us to live in a healthier mental and spiritual state.

Forgiveness from God always carries with it the invitation to live in His shadow. It is the acceptance of this forgiveness from God, which allows us to live in His shadow. When my children were not feeling guilty for some misdeed, they felt free to come and climb up into my lap and tell me about their day. Similarly, when we accept forgiveness from God, we are comfortable living close enough to Him to dwell in His shadow. (Psalm 91:1)

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Bunny Eggs and Chocolate?

April 8, 2020April 8, 2020 by Tim

I have never been able to understand some aspects of Easter. How did a giant rabbit become associated with Easter? Where does this Easter bunny get the eggs? My family raised rabbits for several years when I was young. We had quite a few rabbits but never one that laid eggs or even one that was interested in eggs. I have never seen a rabbit raid the chicken coop for eggs.

Perhaps my inability to understand this tradition is rooted in the fact that I am a former pastor. My understanding of Holy Week and Easter itself comes from the events spoken of in the scriptures. For me, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ overshadow all the contemporary manifestations of the celebration of the day.

One day when I was about nine years old, excitement filled the air. It was Easter morning. We were released to begin hunting for our Easter baskets. Our parents hid the Easter baskets the evening before. Searching through the house, I found my basket of chocolate and other sugary treats on the mantle in the great room. My youngest sister soon found hers sitting on top of a lamp. My middle sister continued to search. Using a few clues from our parents, she eventually found her basket sitting on the floor behind an end table. She excitedly began going through the contents. Suddenly she stopped. “Mommy, there’s ants.” She said. My mother looked and discovered that the ants had indeed found the goodies. My sister’s basket was full of ants. The ants had bored tunnels all through the candy and scurried around on the surface of each piece. Chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs now looked like chocolate ant farms.

This year is different from any I have experienced because most of the country is under stay-at-home orders. Due to the situation, many will be downsizing or eliminating their celebrations. We must remember that the holiday is not about new clothes, chocolates or even a special meal. There is nothing wrong with having and enjoying any of those items. We must remember that they should be things we use to express our excitement about the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Our understanding of Easter falls short if we end the story with the placement of Jesus’ body in the tomb. Easter without the resurrection of Jesus Christ is about as meaningful and useful as a gift of ant-infested candy.

Easter usually found my sisters and mother in new dresses and me in a suit and tie, even when I was still rather small. Somewhere along the line, I learned that the way we dressed had to do with Easter, or maybe it was Christianity. As I have aged, I have come to understand that Easter is not about clothes, or candy, or bunnies or chicks. I found out it is a celebration of life. The accounts of the events of Holy Week and Easter morning in scripture tell of the death of Jesus Christ during the day on what we now call “Good Friday.” It was on Easter morning that He arose from the grave. It seems that later that day, Mary encountered Jesus in the garden. He invited her to look beyond her grief and to grasp the hope of new life. It is this new life we are celebrating, not death.

New life is what Easter is all about. We have an opportunity to make a fresh start. Easter offers us the possibility of a new beginning. In the death of Jesus, we received the offer of forgiveness of sins. His resurrection gave us the chance to start over. Think of the Apostle Peter. All four Gospels record the fact that he disowned Jesus when things got hard. (Matthew 26:69-75, Mark 14:66-72, Luke 22:54-62, John 18:15-27) Yet it was after the resurrection of Jesus that reconciliation between Jesus and Peter took place. He received a fresh start. A new beginning is available to anyone who wants one today. The resurrection of Jesus opened the opportunity to have a fresh start to every person from then on.

Scripture tells us that provision of reconciliation between Almighty God and humans was the reason Jesus Christ died. (Romans 5:8-11) His death provided payment for our sins. I realize that this brings up some questions. Who will God forgive? How often will He forgive them?

Throughout my early years and even into my teens, I was a saver. I saved money. I stockpiled my candy. I stashed things that were important to me. (Yes, I still have a few stories I wrote back then stored away somewhere.) When I was young, my family was on the lower end of the economic scale, and candy was a luxury. The fact that I saved my candy did not go unnoticed by my family. My sisters would usually have any candy they received eaten within a week. I kept mine and slowly doled it out. I would frequently finish my Easter candy shortly before Halloween. Some of my Halloween candy would, of course, still be around at Christmas. If everything worked out properly, my Christmas candy would last until Easter. I tried to proportion my consumption of candy to the amount of time anticipated until I could replenish my candy supply.

Good news! God does not limit access to new life like I used to limit my consumption of candy. Due to the events of Holy Week and Easter, as recorded in scripture, we have grace freely available to us. The invitation is extended to everyone to find reconciliation with God through Jesus Christ. God is not worried about running out of grace. He knows that no one’s life is so bad that it is unforgivable. Everyone qualifies to receive a fresh start through Jesus Christ.

This Easter is different for most of us due to the stay-at-home orders; perhaps it is time to think about the true meaning of the day. Consider the opportunities made available to you through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is in this present time that God invites you to live this new life in His Shadow.

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