Tim

Giving Forgiveness

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Forgiving another person is, perhaps, the most challenging thing we can do. We are all injured by the actions and accusations of others from time to time. When the other person admits what they have done, it is tempting to try to get revenge by withholding forgiveness. It seems that humans think that refusing to forgive someone holds up that person’s life. In reality, holding a grudge takes energy. We have only a certain amount of strength each day. We must make choices about how we will spend the power we have. When we choose not to forgive, we are choosing to expend a portion of each day’s energy to hold a grudge. We can become obsessed with whatever it is that we are refusing to forgive. When we become obsessed, we may find that we are using the majority of our strength each day to hold onto the past.

Forgiveness is an attitude of the heart. It is the decision not to pursue revenge against the person who wronged you. Failing to forgive is holding on to the past and wondering why you cannot make any forward progress in life.

Whether I am in the mountains or my driveway, I cannot wrap my arms around a tree and continue to walk away. Eventually, I must either stop moving away or release my grip on whatever it is I am holding. You cannot change the past. Forgiving those who have wronged us also helps to provide spiritual and mental health. Failure to release the past will hinder the present and prevent you from moving into the future.

When we give forgiveness, it does not mean that we enable bad behavior in others or ourselves. If I loaned someone money to pay their rent and then observed them use the money to eat in restaurants and buy toys while never paying the rent, I would not loan money to them again. I can forgive and still refuse to lend. Forgiveness does not mean that we get amnesia. Forgiveness does not mean that we help others self-destruct.

There is a significant difference between forgiving and trusting. If I hired you to mow my lawn on Thursday of every week, I would expect you to mow the lawn on Thursday each week. If I start getting a call each week saying you forgot to mow the lawn because you were too busy playing a game on your phone and asking for forgiveness, I will forgive you. I will not hold a grudge against you for forgetting, but I will not trust you to remember in the future.

Scripture presents us with many places where God extends forgiveness to humanity. The willingness to forgive is there on God’s part before we even ask to be forgiven. It seems that the natural response to being forgiven would be to extend forgiveness to someone who has wronged us.

The scripture tells about how Peter came to Jesus and asked about forgiveness. I am unsure if Peter thought he was generous by offering to forgive seven times or if he was looking for a legalistic limit on how often he would be required to forgive a person for the same offense.

Jesus gave his answer in the form of a story. A man had borrowed a large amount of money from his boss. The man was unable to repay the borrowed amount on the due date. His boss forgave the debt. The forgiven man then found another man who had borrowed just a small amount of money from him. This man who had just received forgiveness refused to overlook the small amount. The boss of the forgiven man then reinstated the debt because the man was so ungrateful that he refused to pass mercy on to others. Through this story, Jesus conveyed the idea that God has offered us forgiveness on such a grand scale that it is a sign of ungratefulness toward God when we fail to forgive. (Matthew 18:21-35) We all desire for others to extend forgiveness to us, but how well do we extend forgiveness?

Forgiveness is one of those things that tend to become more abundant when dispensed to others. The college I went to had a small pond on the campus. A tiny, sluggish stream supplied the water to this drainage area. A dam crossed the downstream outlet from the basin, making the water stagnant, stinky, and algae-filled. Thick black, stinking mud covered the edges of the pond. The problem with this pond was that it tried to hold on to everything that came into it. This retention included everything that died in this body of water and the vegetation rotting in it.

When we refuse to give forgiveness, we become like that pond. All of the hurts of the past stop healing and begin to become infected sores. Our lives and actions start to smell like rotting flesh. Preventing this from happening is accomplished by allowing forgiveness to flow from God through us and out to others. This streaming forgiveness washes the injuries of the past and permits them to heal. I have observed that it is the giving of forgiveness that begins the healing of the person forgiving.

As Christians, we attempt to live Christ-like lives. It is this patterning our lives after Christ that enables us to live in God’s shadow. Jesus Christ offered forgiveness before it was requested. While on the cross, Christ asked God to forgive those crucifying Him. Stephen, a leader in the early church, echos this call to forgive wrongdoers while they were still committing evil acts. (Acts 7:60) These examples suggest that living in God’s shadow requires us to give forgiveness.

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Accepting Forgiveness

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If the world were perfect, nothing would go wrong. None of my chickens would fly into the chain holding up the feeder and injure themselves. Everyone would understand the exact meaning I intended for everything I wrote or spoke. The perfectionist side of me would always be content. There would be nothing to forgive and no reason to ask for forgiveness in the perfect world.

Unfortunately, none of us lives in a perfect world. Our animals do get sick and injure themselves. Misunderstandings will happen, and we will find that we need to make apologies once in a while.

Personal experience has taught me that forgiving myself is extremely difficult. I am a bit of a perfectionist. The fact that I made an error is embarrassing and guilt-inducing. Perhaps worst of all is the fact that my mind keeps a record of every time I have messed up. It is easy to pile up evidence against myself. The fact that I acted in error causes me to break my trust in myself. With the trust broken, my ability to believe in myself and to forgive myself reduces significantly.

When I was a small child, I went to an adult and apologized for something I had done. I will never forget the adult’s response. They said something like, “I forgive you, but do you mean it? You have asked me to forgive you for this before, but you have now done it again.” I learned that I could not trust myself. I had to be perfect. Perhaps there was no more forgiveness should I fail again.

My failure to forgive me then taints my perception of the people around me. I begin to believe that because I would not or could not forgive me, they would not forgive me either.

A story from the Bible comes to mind. Peter, one of the disciples of Jesus Christ, had proudly declared that he would never deny knowing Jesus. (Mark 14:29-31) A short time later, Peter did precisely what he had stated he would not do. Peter was devastated by his actions. (Mark 14:66-72)

After the resurrection of Jesus, Peter and Jesus met on the shore of a lake. (John 21) During this meeting, Jesus had a question for Peter. I can only imagine what Peter thought when Jesus asked if Peter loved Him. I know if it had been me, I would have been thinking, “I broke my word and denied Him. I am unsure that I can trust myself to answer this question. What if I misjudge my heart again? What if I disappoint Jesus again?” My mind would have been piling up the evidence that I could not and should not trust myself and should never forgive myself.

The problem with failing to accept forgiveness, whether we are trying to forgive ourselves or it is forgiveness offered from someone else, is that it keeps us living under a cloud of guilt.

When they were small, my children would sometimes come into the room I was in with a particular look on their faces. I referred to it as “the guilty look.” That look meant they had been doing something they knew they should not have been doing. A trip into the next room would reveal something broken or spilled, or perhaps candy wrappers on the floor before dinner. During these times of guilt, the children wanted to hide. They did not want to sit with me or tell me about their day and what was going on. They felt guilt, and because of that, forgiveness seemed uncertain to them. This guilt was a heavy burden and showed on their faces.

I would love to tell you that my wife and I were always calm and thoughtful in these situations with the children. We were not. Sometimes those little rascals scared us half-to-death. Whatever had happened, we extended forgiveness to them. Being forgiven did not mean that they escaped consequences, but they knew we loved them.

I imagine that Peter felt guilty as he conversed with Jesus on the lakeshore. The guilt must undoubtedly have influenced his ability to believe his own words as he assured Jesus that he, Peter, loved Jesus.

God offers abundant forgiveness. This forgiveness is available and extended even before we ask for it. I am amazed when I read Mark 16:7. This message was sent to the disciples via an angel at the tomb of Jesus after the resurrection. The directive gave instructions for the disciples to meet Jesus. The intriguing part was that the person receiving the message received explicit instructions to make sure the invitation also got to Peter. While Peter may have been holding his failing against himself, Jesus was already inviting him back into fellowship. This invitation was forgiveness in action.

When Jesus later met with Peter and some of the other disciples on the lakeshore, the question Jesus asked appears designed to get Peter to examine his heart and motivations. I believe that it was also a way of Jesus, saying, “Peter, please accept forgiveness from me and forgive yourself for what you did.”

Trying to move forward while rejecting forgiveness from God, or others, or even ourselves is a waste of effort. Sometimes when I hike in the mountains near where I live, I find myself on some very steep slopes. Imagine what would happen if, in the middle of the incline, I would suddenly refuse to use any available handholds. Continuing the climb up the mountain would be impossible. I might even fall down the portion I had already scaled. Refusing forgiveness puts us in an equally dangerous position in life.

God still offers this forgiveness to all who will accept it. Once we have received His mercy, we can then forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves allows us to live in a healthier mental and spiritual state.

Forgiveness from God always carries with it the invitation to live in His shadow. It is the acceptance of this forgiveness from God, which allows us to live in His shadow. When my children were not feeling guilty for some misdeed, they felt free to come and climb up into my lap and tell me about their day. Similarly, when we accept forgiveness from God, we are comfortable living close enough to Him to dwell in His shadow. (Psalm 91:1)

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Bunny Eggs and Chocolate?

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I have never been able to understand some aspects of Easter. How did a giant rabbit become associated with Easter? Where does this Easter bunny get the eggs? My family raised rabbits for several years when I was young. We had quite a few rabbits but never one that laid eggs or even one that was interested in eggs. I have never seen a rabbit raid the chicken coop for eggs.

Perhaps my inability to understand this tradition is rooted in the fact that I am a former pastor. My understanding of Holy Week and Easter itself comes from the events spoken of in the scriptures. For me, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ overshadow all the contemporary manifestations of the celebration of the day.

One day when I was about nine years old, excitement filled the air. It was Easter morning. We were released to begin hunting for our Easter baskets. Our parents hid the Easter baskets the evening before. Searching through the house, I found my basket of chocolate and other sugary treats on the mantle in the great room. My youngest sister soon found hers sitting on top of a lamp. My middle sister continued to search. Using a few clues from our parents, she eventually found her basket sitting on the floor behind an end table. She excitedly began going through the contents. Suddenly she stopped. “Mommy, there’s ants.” She said. My mother looked and discovered that the ants had indeed found the goodies. My sister’s basket was full of ants. The ants had bored tunnels all through the candy and scurried around on the surface of each piece. Chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs now looked like chocolate ant farms.

This year is different from any I have experienced because most of the country is under stay-at-home orders. Due to the situation, many will be downsizing or eliminating their celebrations. We must remember that the holiday is not about new clothes, chocolates or even a special meal. There is nothing wrong with having and enjoying any of those items. We must remember that they should be things we use to express our excitement about the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Our understanding of Easter falls short if we end the story with the placement of Jesus’ body in the tomb. Easter without the resurrection of Jesus Christ is about as meaningful and useful as a gift of ant-infested candy.

Easter usually found my sisters and mother in new dresses and me in a suit and tie, even when I was still rather small. Somewhere along the line, I learned that the way we dressed had to do with Easter, or maybe it was Christianity. As I have aged, I have come to understand that Easter is not about clothes, or candy, or bunnies or chicks. I found out it is a celebration of life. The accounts of the events of Holy Week and Easter morning in scripture tell of the death of Jesus Christ during the day on what we now call “Good Friday.” It was on Easter morning that He arose from the grave. It seems that later that day, Mary encountered Jesus in the garden. He invited her to look beyond her grief and to grasp the hope of new life. It is this new life we are celebrating, not death.

New life is what Easter is all about. We have an opportunity to make a fresh start. Easter offers us the possibility of a new beginning. In the death of Jesus, we received the offer of forgiveness of sins. His resurrection gave us the chance to start over. Think of the Apostle Peter. All four Gospels record the fact that he disowned Jesus when things got hard. (Matthew 26:69-75, Mark 14:66-72, Luke 22:54-62, John 18:15-27) Yet it was after the resurrection of Jesus that reconciliation between Jesus and Peter took place. He received a fresh start. A new beginning is available to anyone who wants one today. The resurrection of Jesus opened the opportunity to have a fresh start to every person from then on.

Scripture tells us that provision of reconciliation between Almighty God and humans was the reason Jesus Christ died. (Romans 5:8-11) His death provided payment for our sins. I realize that this brings up some questions. Who will God forgive? How often will He forgive them?

Throughout my early years and even into my teens, I was a saver. I saved money. I stockpiled my candy. I stashed things that were important to me. (Yes, I still have a few stories I wrote back then stored away somewhere.) When I was young, my family was on the lower end of the economic scale, and candy was a luxury. The fact that I saved my candy did not go unnoticed by my family. My sisters would usually have any candy they received eaten within a week. I kept mine and slowly doled it out. I would frequently finish my Easter candy shortly before Halloween. Some of my Halloween candy would, of course, still be around at Christmas. If everything worked out properly, my Christmas candy would last until Easter. I tried to proportion my consumption of candy to the amount of time anticipated until I could replenish my candy supply.

Good news! God does not limit access to new life like I used to limit my consumption of candy. Due to the events of Holy Week and Easter, as recorded in scripture, we have grace freely available to us. The invitation is extended to everyone to find reconciliation with God through Jesus Christ. God is not worried about running out of grace. He knows that no one’s life is so bad that it is unforgivable. Everyone qualifies to receive a fresh start through Jesus Christ.

This Easter is different for most of us due to the stay-at-home orders; perhaps it is time to think about the true meaning of the day. Consider the opportunities made available to you through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is in this present time that God invites you to live this new life in His Shadow.

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5 Lessons From My Chickens

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I enjoy chickens. This admission may sound odd, but it is true. I love the brilliant colors of their plumage. I like to listen to the chickens call to each other and “chat” among themselves. The brilliant orange-yellow of the yokes of eggs laid by free-range chickens is incomparable. Over the years that I have had chickens, I have learned about them and from them. Yes, I said that I have learned from my chickens. Here are five lessons I have learned.

Lesson 1. Never stop scratching and pecking

The chickens scatter across the yard after being released from the coop in the morning. They all begin their day’s work of scratching and pecking. I know that they are looking for seeds, insects, and even choice pieces of tender grass. They rest very little during the day. They scratch and peck at whatever they see.

A chicken’s persistence is inspiring. It reminds me not to give up easily. I cannot help but apply what I see with the chickens to my life. How persistent have I been in pursuing the things I consider essential? How many dreams have I disqualified because I was unwilling to keep scratching and pecking until I accomplished the goal?

When we have the chickens patrolling the yard, the number of bugs that get into the house drops dramatically. I find that worthwhile dreams and ambitions tend to help fill a need that others have. The chickens are only looking for lunch when they eat the bugs around the house, but they fulfill my desire to have an insect free house.

Chickens do not care what others think when they are on the trail of a juicy bug. I have watch hens zigzag across the lawn in pursuit of a grasshopper. The chase only ends when the grasshopper becomes lunch. An unfamiliar observer may think the chicken has become ill, watching its wandering path, but the hen is focused and does not care.

Every one cares to some extend what others think about them and their ambitions. This caring helps us to shape our responses and to understand the needs around us. Through this consideration, we can then channel our focus to help us reach our goal. While we must care about others, we cannot allow their dream-crushing comments to dissuade us from our goals.

Lesson 2. Test everything to see if it is worthwhile

I have watched chickens peck large rocks, pieces of angle iron, cars, pieces of glass, and even my shoes. Many times I have thought what is wrong with that bird? Doesn’t she know that she cannot eat that? Or doesn’t she see that the item is too big to swallow? My observations indicate that chickens are rather curious. They peck at everything the way we might reach out and touch things. (Or at least we did before this pandemic) The chickens are testing everything they strike with their beak.

We learn by trial and error. I prefer to observe and learn from the trial and error of others, but I find that I still make many mistakes. The key to trial and error learning is to understand that just because you made an error does not mean that you quit. It merely means that you make adjustments and try again. The perfectionist in me prefers perfection from the beginning, but that expectation is not reality.

Through testing, we find out whether the object tested is worthwhile or not. We find out if our expectations are realistic or not. Many times we are surprised at what we find.

I was excited when I went to college. I figured that when I finished college, I would have all the answers. I graduated from college and was disappointed to find that I had more questions and fewer answers than when I had begun. Testing my expectations, I recognized that my expectations were misplaced. The college had taught me to think critically, not to have all the answers.

Lesson 3. Watch out for each other

If a rooster finds food, he will immediately call the hens. Any chicken that spots a predator will call out a warning to the rest of the flock. The chickens watch out for each other.

Watching out for each other usually is nothing more than being a considerate, responsible person. It is vital to understand that you can try to advise or warn, but it is up to the other person to heed. If the chickens do not heed the warning that a predator is near, they will become lunch.

Lesson 4. Even deep wounds can heal

One day I went to the chicken coop and found that the hens had been fighting. Two hens were severely injured. One injured hen had a significant hole in the muscle on her hip, and the other was missing the skin on the top of her skull. I did not think that either of them would survive. I made sure their wounds were clean and put them in a special isolation pen. This isolation area provided the hens with the ability to rest without fear of being attacked. I was surprised and pleased to see the first hen hobbling around within a few days. She continued to heal and eventually regrew the skin and feathers covering the wounded area. The second hen also regrew the skin and feathers on her head. Ultimately, I was able to release them back to the general flock, where they were accepted this time without a problem.

Receiving wounds from those we come into contact with is part of being human. It is how we tend those wounds that will determine how well we recover. Some people need to talk through what has happened to them. I find that I need a time of quiet rest to sort out what has happened. During the time the chickens were recovering, I kept checking on them and provided food and water for them. Recovery from wounds takes time. This fact does not mean that we withdraw from what feeds our spirit. Instead, it means that we turn to God and look for Him to sustain us while we heal. We are to live close to Him, right in His shadow. Psalm 91 speaks of living in God’s shadow of being protected and covered by Him. We must live close to God to receive these things.

Lesson 5. Find shelter in the shadows

My chickens have several reasons for looking for shaded areas. The summer heat will drive them to the shadows. When there is a flying predator, like a hawk, or an eagle, the shaded area under the porch, the sizable wild rose bush, or the pine tree is prime real estate. Hens also like dark, well-protected places when they lay their eggs. Anyone who has ever watched as a hen produces an egg knows that she is not resting during the process.

God’s shadow is not just for recovery of wounds, but it is also a place to go for rest and protection in the difficult times of life.

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What if … ?

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I am fascinated by the questions of children. What if the house were upside down? What would it look like with the roof on the ground and the basement above the living area? What if we could walk up the wall and across the ceiling? These were questions that captured my mind as a child. These questions seem silly now that I am an adult, but my mind has not stopped asking the question, “What if… .?

Children’s creative and passionate belief is fascinating. They do not believe in limitations. Children can imagine things that adults consider ridiculous and implausible. This ability to imagine so vividly seems to be because they have not yet learned to call things impossible. They believe that they can do anything. As an adult, I tend to view the world as a place of guardrails and impossibilities. I think that this difference is in part because adults have stopped asking the question, “What if?”

Do you ever think about the question, “What if… .?” The list of things that can go after the “if” is endless. I guess I like to enquire. Thorough consideration causes me to discover what I believe. I begin to analyze if my beliefs are platitudes or action steps.

This examination helps us to see the areas where our understanding is lacking. Asking, “What if … .?” helps us consider possibilities we would otherwise ignore. Considering these possibilities enables us to plan for the future. The answers we come to empower us to have a vision, to plan, and to take steps toward accomplishing our goals.

During this time of reduced social interaction, I ask, “What if I focused on improving my skills in another language? What if I worked on being healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually? What if I worked on improving my blogging? How would my life change?

If I viewed my blog as a ministry to others, how would that change my writing? If I work on living further in God’s shadow than I ever have before, how would that change the way I live my life?

The question, “What if?’ opens up all kinds of possibilities for me. What if I acted like I believed what I claim to believe?

Acting on the answer you arrive at after asking the question can be scary. Making the changes that your “What if?” questioning reveals are needed may be a lot of work.

The birth of this blog was the result of asking, “What if?” I began asking questions like, “What if I could write a successful blog how would that change things for me?”, “What if people want to read what I write?” and “What if it is not crazy to think I have something other people want?”

I find that asking, “What if?” is a great way to start problem-solving. Once my wife and I were babysitting a two-year-old boy. He stubbornly determined that he would not nap. We tried everything, we rocked him, we read a story, made sure he was clean, laid him down, but nothing was working. I was getting desperate. Finally, I thought, “What if I trick him into going to sleep?” I suggested to him that he and I play a game called, “Who can keep their eyes closed the longest.” He willingly participated, and shortly he was sound asleep.

Personal interactions can also benefit from the use of “What if?” I was in my early twenties when I became the pastor of a church. Being young, recently out of college, and tasked with leading this church, I felt the need to be able to give answers. One day one of my parishioners came to see me about a problem they were facing. Fortunately, that day my “what if” thoughts activated, and I thought, “What if I just listened instead of trying to solve the problem or defend the church?” I listened. I learned about the individual and quickly realized this person needed me to hear them more than they needed me to give them an answer or take action.

I have thought a lot about this, “What if?” question as it affects me as a follower of Jesus Christ. I guess the question is, “What would happen if I lived like I genuinely believed all the teachings of Jesus Christ? How would my life change? What if the change in me inspired change in those around me? These questions tend to become very personal and yet very useful for inspiring change in my actions.

What would happen if we followed Jesus’ teaching in Mark 12:29-31? The instruction that tells us the most important commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. What if we followed what Jesus says is the second most important commandment to love your neighbor as yourself? What would happen if we dedicated ourselves to loving God intensely? What if we let that love for God show through our actions? It seems that the natural outflow would be to show respect to our neighbors. Jesus taught that anyone in need is our neighbor. How would that “love in action” change our neighbor’s perception of us?

What would happen if we believed and acted on Jesus’ teaching to seek first the kingdom of God? (Matt. 6) From the time we were small children, most of us understood that the goal in life is to build a “kingdom” for ourselves and our family. We believed our primary goal in life was to own as many creature comforts as possible and to own as many financial assets as possible. Unfortunately, in this belief system, spiritual health is usually a long way down the list of goals if it is there at all.

What would happen if we let Christ control our lives, and we encouraged others to live in God’s shadow?

What if we believed enough to act? What if we behaved like we consider Jesus’ teachings are more than platitudes? What would happen if we stopped putting God in a box that fits our lifestyle? What if we just obeyed fully and then stepped back and let God act? It seems that many times we fail to comply because we do not believe. We do not fully trust God. It is a typical human struggle to have difficulty trusting what we cannot see. As I read the Bible, I find that when individuals trusted and obeyed, God moved in titanic proportions. I find myself asking, “If I believed as they did, and I behaved as I believed, what would happen? How explosive would the growth of God’s kingdom be? How close would it help me to live in His shadow?”

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