Forgiveness | Living in God's Shadow

Forgiving another person is, perhaps, the most challenging thing we can do. We are all injured by the actions and accusations of others from time to time. When the other person admits what they have done, it is tempting to try to get revenge by withholding forgiveness. It seems that humans think that refusing to forgive someone holds up that person’s life. In reality, holding a grudge takes energy. We have only a certain amount of strength each day. We must make choices about how we will spend the power we have. When we choose not to forgive, we are choosing to expend a portion of each day’s energy to hold a grudge. We can become obsessed with whatever it is that we are refusing to forgive. When we become obsessed, we may find that we are using the majority of our strength each day to hold onto the past.

Forgiveness is an attitude of the heart. It is the decision not to pursue revenge against the person who wronged you. Failing to forgive is holding on to the past and wondering why you cannot make any forward progress in life.

Whether I am in the mountains or my driveway, I cannot wrap my arms around a tree and continue to walk away. Eventually, I must either stop moving away or release my grip on whatever it is I am holding. You cannot change the past. Forgiving those who have wronged us also helps to provide spiritual and mental health. Failure to release the past will hinder the present and prevent you from moving into the future.

When we give forgiveness, it does not mean that we enable bad behavior in others or ourselves. If I loaned someone money to pay their rent and then observed them use the money to eat in restaurants and buy toys while never paying the rent, I would not loan money to them again. I can forgive and still refuse to lend. Forgiveness does not mean that we get amnesia. Forgiveness does not mean that we help others self-destruct.

There is a significant difference between forgiving and trusting. If I hired you to mow my lawn on Thursday of every week, I would expect you to mow the lawn on Thursday each week. If I start getting a call each week saying you forgot to mow the lawn because you were too busy playing a game on your phone and asking for forgiveness, I will forgive you. I will not hold a grudge against you for forgetting, but I will not trust you to remember in the future.

Scripture presents us with many places where God extends forgiveness to humanity. The willingness to forgive is there on God’s part before we even ask to be forgiven. It seems that the natural response to being forgiven would be to extend forgiveness to someone who has wronged us.

The scripture tells about how Peter came to Jesus and asked about forgiveness. I am unsure if Peter thought he was generous by offering to forgive seven times or if he was looking for a legalistic limit on how often he would be required to forgive a person for the same offense.

Jesus gave his answer in the form of a story. A man had borrowed a large amount of money from his boss. The man was unable to repay the borrowed amount on the due date. His boss forgave the debt. The forgiven man then found another man who had borrowed just a small amount of money from him. This man who had just received forgiveness refused to overlook the small amount. The boss of the forgiven man then reinstated the debt because the man was so ungrateful that he refused to pass mercy on to others. Through this story, Jesus conveyed the idea that God has offered us forgiveness on such a grand scale that it is a sign of ungratefulness toward God when we fail to forgive. (Matthew 18:21-35) We all desire for others to extend forgiveness to us, but how well do we extend forgiveness?

Forgiveness is one of those things that tend to become more abundant when dispensed to others. The college I went to had a small pond on the campus. A tiny, sluggish stream supplied the water to this drainage area. A dam crossed the downstream outlet from the basin, making the water stagnant, stinky, and algae-filled. Thick black, stinking mud covered the edges of the pond. The problem with this pond was that it tried to hold on to everything that came into it. This retention included everything that died in this body of water and the vegetation rotting in it.

When we refuse to give forgiveness, we become like that pond. All of the hurts of the past stop healing and begin to become infected sores. Our lives and actions start to smell like rotting flesh. Preventing this from happening is accomplished by allowing forgiveness to flow from God through us and out to others. This streaming forgiveness washes the injuries of the past and permits them to heal. I have observed that it is the giving of forgiveness that begins the healing of the person forgiving.

As Christians, we attempt to live Christ-like lives. It is this patterning our lives after Christ that enables us to live in God’s shadow. Jesus Christ offered forgiveness before it was requested. While on the cross, Christ asked God to forgive those crucifying Him. Stephen, a leader in the early church, echos this call to forgive wrongdoers while they were still committing evil acts. (Acts 7:60) These examples suggest that living in God’s shadow requires us to give forgiveness.

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If the world were perfect, nothing would go wrong. None of my chickens would fly into the chain holding up the feeder and injure themselves. Everyone would understand the exact meaning I intended for everything I wrote or spoke. The perfectionist side of me would always be content. There would be nothing to forgive and no reason to ask for forgiveness in the perfect world.

Unfortunately, none of us lives in a perfect world. Our animals do get sick and injure themselves. Misunderstandings will happen, and we will find that we need to make apologies once in a while.

Personal experience has taught me that forgiving myself is extremely difficult. I am a bit of a perfectionist. The fact that I made an error is embarrassing and guilt-inducing. Perhaps worst of all is the fact that my mind keeps a record of every time I have messed up. It is easy to pile up evidence against myself. The fact that I acted in error causes me to break my trust in myself. With the trust broken, my ability to believe in myself and to forgive myself reduces significantly.

When I was a small child, I went to an adult and apologized for something I had done. I will never forget the adult’s response. They said something like, “I forgive you, but do you mean it? You have asked me to forgive you for this before, but you have now done it again.” I learned that I could not trust myself. I had to be perfect. Perhaps there was no more forgiveness should I fail again.

My failure to forgive me then taints my perception of the people around me. I begin to believe that because I would not or could not forgive me, they would not forgive me either.

A story from the Bible comes to mind. Peter, one of the disciples of Jesus Christ, had proudly declared that he would never deny knowing Jesus. (Mark 14:29-31) A short time later, Peter did precisely what he had stated he would not do. Peter was devastated by his actions. (Mark 14:66-72)

After the resurrection of Jesus, Peter and Jesus met on the shore of a lake. (John 21) During this meeting, Jesus had a question for Peter. I can only imagine what Peter thought when Jesus asked if Peter loved Him. I know if it had been me, I would have been thinking, “I broke my word and denied Him. I am unsure that I can trust myself to answer this question. What if I misjudge my heart again? What if I disappoint Jesus again?” My mind would have been piling up the evidence that I could not and should not trust myself and should never forgive myself.

The problem with failing to accept forgiveness, whether we are trying to forgive ourselves or it is forgiveness offered from someone else, is that it keeps us living under a cloud of guilt.

When they were small, my children would sometimes come into the room I was in with a particular look on their faces. I referred to it as “the guilty look.” That look meant they had been doing something they knew they should not have been doing. A trip into the next room would reveal something broken or spilled, or perhaps candy wrappers on the floor before dinner. During these times of guilt, the children wanted to hide. They did not want to sit with me or tell me about their day and what was going on. They felt guilt, and because of that, forgiveness seemed uncertain to them. This guilt was a heavy burden and showed on their faces.

I would love to tell you that my wife and I were always calm and thoughtful in these situations with the children. We were not. Sometimes those little rascals scared us half-to-death. Whatever had happened, we extended forgiveness to them. Being forgiven did not mean that they escaped consequences, but they knew we loved them.

I imagine that Peter felt guilty as he conversed with Jesus on the lakeshore. The guilt must undoubtedly have influenced his ability to believe his own words as he assured Jesus that he, Peter, loved Jesus.

God offers abundant forgiveness. This forgiveness is available and extended even before we ask for it. I am amazed when I read Mark 16:7. This message was sent to the disciples via an angel at the tomb of Jesus after the resurrection. The directive gave instructions for the disciples to meet Jesus. The intriguing part was that the person receiving the message received explicit instructions to make sure the invitation also got to Peter. While Peter may have been holding his failing against himself, Jesus was already inviting him back into fellowship. This invitation was forgiveness in action.

When Jesus later met with Peter and some of the other disciples on the lakeshore, the question Jesus asked appears designed to get Peter to examine his heart and motivations. I believe that it was also a way of Jesus, saying, “Peter, please accept forgiveness from me and forgive yourself for what you did.”

Trying to move forward while rejecting forgiveness from God, or others, or even ourselves is a waste of effort. Sometimes when I hike in the mountains near where I live, I find myself on some very steep slopes. Imagine what would happen if, in the middle of the incline, I would suddenly refuse to use any available handholds. Continuing the climb up the mountain would be impossible. I might even fall down the portion I had already scaled. Refusing forgiveness puts us in an equally dangerous position in life.

God still offers this forgiveness to all who will accept it. Once we have received His mercy, we can then forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves allows us to live in a healthier mental and spiritual state.

Forgiveness from God always carries with it the invitation to live in His shadow. It is the acceptance of this forgiveness from God, which allows us to live in His shadow. When my children were not feeling guilty for some misdeed, they felt free to come and climb up into my lap and tell me about their day. Similarly, when we accept forgiveness from God, we are comfortable living close enough to Him to dwell in His shadow. (Psalm 91:1)

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Giving Forgiveness

Accepting Forgiveness